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“They become the person they think the other person wants rather than being themselves.This isn’t feasible to maintain long term, and when they start to be themselves they’ve attracted someone who wants the person they seemed to be at the beginning rather than who they actually are—so it doesn’t last.” “People usually think it’s all the things on the outside that make a relationship work or not work, but really it’s an inside job,” says Christine Gutierrez, a psychotherapist, advice columnist, speaker, author and founder of Cosmic These examples can be damaging when it comes to finding a partner who isn’t perfect, but perfect for you.” An extension of this is the belief that relationships should always be easy.“I’ve encountered many people who believe that relationships shouldn’t be work,” says Anita A.’ Good relationships don’t just happen – they take effort, daily.” “The most universal deal breaker is the emotional baggage dragged from prior romantic relationships which sabotages all future relationships,” says Russell Friedman, executive director of The Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation, Inc. “If I am incomplete with my past, what will have been most affected is my ability to trust.If I don’t trust, I won’t commit.” Dylan Thrasher, a life and relationship coach in Los Angeles, agrees.“A lot of people panic at the first sign of trouble.Instead of seeing it through so they can gain experience and get the insight necessary to work through these bumps, they implode.

“They believe failure is not an option…even in relationships.“I hear from lots of men and women seeking advice for relationships that, upon pushing for real truths, I discover are conducted long-distance and online only.Usually, these couples have never met in real life—and the relationships have gone on like this for months, and sometimes years.The rule of thumb I encourage is: if you meet online, and haven’t had an in person date in three months, move on.” Similarly, new relationships can fail if one or both people involved is putting on a show.“People often put on a mask when dating,” explains Claire Brummell, a relationship expert in London.

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